So, basically it’s been 5yrs since I last made an entry. From that things escalated too quickly that I wasn’t concerned about the blog.

Nancy passed away April 17, 2010 at approximately 1:45pm. It was not a painful end. She was at home with me.  It was a normal type of Saturday morning, other than her body was starting to shut down. I won’t go into specifics. It was the end of her life as I knew it.

I held her in my arms, gently, until she took that last breath.  She went on to a better place. To the heavens as God had called her home to paradise. To be with her only daughter (Stacy passed away 15mos prior) along with her mother and father who went before her.

There is nothing more to add to this. This blog was never about me. There is so much more to write and expound on, but it serves no purpose.

For those of you who knew Nancy (FancyNancy) you were touched by a true Angel of God from the heavens. 

Thank you to all who came here at times to get an update. Thank you for caring about Nancy! She cared about you as well amidst all of her pain and suffering that she endured.

As always groovy peepz; train hard, train smart and keep your back flat. You will kick ass at the races!

Mucho love,

Roger

A LIVESTRONG Day Event | LIVESTRONG Day 2010 | LIVESTRONG.org

A LIVESTRONG Day Event LIVESTRONG Day 2010 LIVESTRONG.org

Well…..at this time things are not what I’d like them to be. Nancy’s weight has dropped to about 99lbs. Last week Nancy was sick for a number of days w/something? Cold…...maybe but she was having a lot of issues w/sinuses and her eyes matting up, headaches, fever….guess that should be enough.


Okay….so I started this back in the middle of March. So now I’m picking back up from there. Had a lot of things come about since then (including my job change, etc) but more w/Nancy.


I’ll just start of w/the visit to see Brenda (Keep’s PA) a coupla of weeks ago. Port flush, usual stuff – checkup, questions, answers, etc. So…then a week later Nancy noticed that her feet /ankles were swollen. Okay…this is a concern since most of the time these symptoms are heart related and I wasn’t quite up to a heart attack in the middle of the night. She made an appointment to which they made “room” for her (she is extremely special at this place) and we were there the next afternoon. So after a lot of this & that and more questions and answers Brenda decided that it “could” be advantageous to pump some fresh blood into her system. So last Friday-4/9 Nancy went to Mercy and had a transfusion of 2bags pumped into her system that took about 4 hrs.


I picked her up around 1:15pm and came directly home and she basically just slept all day long. That was the complete take for the entire weekend. Sleep-watch some TV and still eating very little and the eating very little is the major cause of all the above.


Brenda stated that this wasn’t heart related but basically a sever lack of nutrition. The red blood count is way down and Nancy is extremely anemic. I really don’t think that there is any one thing that is going to work at this point. This Megace (appetite stimulant) does not seem to do anything for her. No change what so ever in the eating habits. She isn’t even able to eat 4-5-6 “small” meals throughout the day. What can ya do? Nothing at this point I don’t think.


Fatigue: always and ever present – can’t get past it. It’s basically like being under nourished. No calories-no energy. Her heart rate sky rocket off the charts just doing basic “walking” (very, very slow pace) from one part of the house to the other….and our house is not big!


That’s about all I can expound on at this point. I am a nuisance most of the time ‘cuz I don’t let anything slide. Someone’s gotta do….it’s my job!


I really will try to do another update before it gets too far off this next time. I just feel like it will be a repeat only on a more accelerated level.


So groovy peepz…..as usual….keep your head down and your back flat!


Train hard, train smart and you will kick ass at the races!!


Mucho love,
Roger

Well…..here it is the week before Valentine’s Day and about nine months since my last blog. Yeah I know…..I was supposed to update a lot more often than this ….but…I just didn’t want to get into it….until now. I guess that things didn’t really escalate w/Nancy’s health like I,we,she,they thought that it might. Actually, I have been quite astonished in the way things have progressed up until this point. I was truly anticipating things being escalated a lot quicker and more severe than I thought. And I suppose Keef thinks, feels the same way to. I know that the coupla times that we have seen him he was quite surprised at how good Nancy looked. One of the last times he stated that fact. He was expecting her to be quite worn down and very pale looking….quite the opposite!

So here’s the scoop….Nancy does look quite good! Her skin color is great, skin still looks smooth and her hair has grown out enough that she hasn’t had to wear the wig for quite awhile….now that’s all good. The downside….is that….she isn’t getting any better. I would have to say that since last May when she quit doin’ chemo she weighed ….oh…let’s just say….maybe (guessing since I was neva given this info) 125#’s. close I’d say. I’m sure she will be pissed off that I’m talkin’ openly & publicly about her weight….but so what.
 Let’s just go back to last summer and work up to today. This will be short since I’m not goin’ to give a play by play – month to month. The summer was good…we had fun. I didn’t race too much so we didn’t go out of town but three times. This last race of the season was in September the Saturday before her Monday 9/14 birthday. So I had a brilliant idea such as all of mine are and I said….let’s go to the Grand Canyon for your birthday! Awesome idea!! Now, Nancy didn’t really do back flips over this but I believe that she figured it was goin’ to be a done deal. I know she had reservations about how she would do over a look extended period of time bein’ away from home and the issues that potentially arise from that…but…you just do what you want and let the other take its course or you would just sit around sayin’ …..gee…we shoulda!
I knew this would cost a buncha money (that we didn’t have) but I have told Nancy over a period of time that there are two things that people who are true Americans should see before they die…one is the Canyon…the other is the Statue of Liberty. Now, I knew that the Canyon would be the most feasible and affordable and the quickest to get to. Besides, goin’ to NYC w/o doin’ the marathon at the same time is …well….you get it I’m sure.

So this was a phenomenal trip!!! Absolutely!! We had so much fun…the weather was perfect! The only issue that Nancy had was the altitude factor that left her short of breath (more than she was already experiencing) and we would have to stop and rest quite often which was not an issue. When you stop at a place like this….you have a beautiful view of life. I know if an effect on Nancy had though….she would state that she was goin’ downhill and fast…I would have to reinforce that this was not a health issue but an altitude issue. It will be something that I will remember forever!! I do believe that this was and is the last “real trip” that we will eva take together. Sometimes in these instances you just have to see things how they truly are and cherish them as well as accept them and know that at least you took advantage of the time ignoring the expense. This is time that you can’t put on a budget or plan for….just take it and live for the moments that you have left together…..
Alright, the holidays…Thanksgiving/Christmas, they were both great and I won’t take any time on those.

New Year’s Eve….I stayed up barely...but...Nancy couldn’t make it and went to bed.

Present; now things have changed. All of this previous time Nancy has had some issue or another with random pains, always the ongoing exhaustion and the day to day functions that we all take for granted. Her weight is now down to 105#’s (I really think a little lower….but she seems to be tellin’ me truthfully. She has no appetite whatsoeva...as in no appetite. Nothing sounds good...nothing really tastes good and has no interest in eating….anything. I figure that if Nancy was in a normal state and for her size, height and normal weight she would be consuming at least…minimum of 1500-1800 calories a day. Well, let me tell ya that she is maybe…just maybe…consuming around 800 calories a day. I try to stay on top of it but how can you get someone to eat when they have to “force feed” themselves as it is. She is having extreme difficulties with her digestive system. When she does eat something it takes forever…as in a long time. Example: take the big sandwich you’re holding that has everything on it….now cut it in half and removed everything but the main content…leaving only two slices of bread w/a small amount of meat. This would take Nancy about 20mins to eat …minimum….and she would be quite full…”THEN”…she would have to deal with the cramping/discomfort, etc from her system trying to get this digested. THIS OCCURS WITH EVERYTHING SHE EATS AT ANYTIME! GET IT!

Now, she has been for the course of 5wks (ending 5 goin’ to six) taking “consistently” this medication called hydrocodone 5mg’s. Why? Since the first of the year she has started having these previous pains that were moving around being more…what ….prevalent/consistent/intense around her abdomen and back area(s). At the first steps of taking this the dosage was 3 a day. Now it’s consistently up to “5 a day” which means that every night she wakes up with the pain (usually at 2:am to take a pill). These pains are a constant. No relief. Only from when the meds kick in, Nancy goes to bed w/pain and awakes w/pain….an always…always,always,always this constant fatigue and exhaustion….BUT…BUT….she still continues to go to work every day….every….day … as in 40hrs/wk. She is quite the inspiration! I know that this is out of stubbornness and the will to live but I know if beats her down so hard sometimes that she would really just like to go to sleep some night and not wake up. Which I understand why….this is now….well…let me put it in months….91months….ninety one….and she has endured at least…at least…..95 individual chemo treatments…which some had some very severe side effects. How does one deal w/that? I know Nancy’s faith has kept her in check for a long, long time but there has to be a limit to what a person can persevere….just has to.

So there you have it….I can write more but at this point it’s wearin’ on my head and I’m up to 1,160 words which is more than most read in the course of any given day…

Sorry for the long delay in the update. I have a stat counter and I get results every week on returning peeps and stats on first time visitors who do return. To those that I know that light upon this blog to see the status….thanks for your concern for Nancy! For those that land here randomly and take it in….think about Nancy as she deals with all of this….I know she’s wearin’down!
Okay…so I will be back next month….yeah…I’ve stated this before….but I will….’cuz I believe that things are closing in.

So groovy peepz…if you race….as always….train hard, train smart, keep your back flat…AND….KICKASS AT THE RACES!! And do it for yourself!

As always,
Mucho love,
Roger

Well…..ok peepz….here we go. An information update. Now I do believe that I forgot to mention in the last post about the trip to the emergency room back around the first of April. We were at the center getting ready to a treatment and Nancy wanted to talk w/Keef or one of the other doctors about almost passing out the Sunday before over at the Duo’s (my identical twin granddaughters – surely I’ve mentioned them before) house. Of course I didn’t hear of this until that day (or the day before) and Nancy stated that she felt like her heart had stopped. Anyway, the “other” Dr. (a chik) told her to go over to the emergency room and get this checked out. Things didn’t sound right. Nancy had also developed this severe pain that was up in her shoulder area (this is where Staci’s cancer came back at) and I know it must’ve really scared her. So, we’re over at the ER and doin’ this test and that test and x-rays, etc. Then the ER doc came in and stated that there was a “spot” (tumor) on her spleen area that was quite big and causing the pain due to it putting pressure on the lungs which in turn caused the shoulder to develop this pain. There was also another spot close to the liver that he said he wasn’t able to tell if it was an old or new spot (bullshit I say – aren’t these guyz professional) and Keef would have to take a look and see whtz up. Bottom line….this didn’t go anywhere. The pain subsided and we are now where we were from the last post.

BUT!....there is yet another twist to this ongoing madness. So here it is. This drug is not working……it's….not….working. Nancy’s C125 has completely skyrocketed and the #’s are over 818. They have doubled since the last C125 was run over three wks ago. You see where this is goin’.

Keef didn’t really want to give up the numbers but I was the one that insisted ‘cuz I/we/Nancy knew that something was not quite right. We have basically run out of options……as in pretty much done at this point. We all talked about what to do. It’s really all up to Nancy. She basically wanted me to make the decision. So I said lets give this one more cycle….meaning last Friday and this Friday will end the cycle. We’ll be off a week and then Monday the 25th she’ll give out the blood and then the following Friday-5/29 we’ll see Keef. If there isn’t any change or the numbers go up again…..then……we….she…..Nancy will cease to do treatments and will let the onset of the cancer takes its course. She is extremely tired of the attempts without any results and there is nothing more really that can be done. Keef stated that there was another drug but the side effects were so extremely harsh with very little gain that is was not used that much. There would only be about a 10% chance that is would have an effect. Nancy is not willing at this point to put herself through the pain with little chance of results.

It was quite emotional. Keef stood up and hugged Nancy and he was having a hard time holding back the tears while Nancy cried. I was trying to hold it all together as best as I could. I was really kinda numb more than anything. Keef…..he is quite an Oncologist! I have no doubt that he has developed a since of love for Nancy. Almost seven years…..if you’re exposed to Nancy for over 7mins you can’t help but love her!

Anyways, we went on and did the treatment that day. Things went on the rest of the day as usual and now we see what unfolds.

I guess at this point I don’t have much more to offer. I try to wrap myself around what will be coming.

We wait.

So groovy peepz…..the updates will be more forthcoming…..to try to keep up w/the progress.

As always; keep your head down, your back flat, train hard, train smart – then kick some ass at the races!

Mucho love,
Roger

Well, ok….so here I am …..runnin’ quite a bit behind….again. I would suppose its due in part to the situation at hand w/things makin’ yet another change.

The last drug did stop workin’. On the last checkup w/Keefer the #’s (C125) had gone up dramatically. As in over a 100 pts increase. Now, remember that numbers were quite high when it was first initiated. Starting at …oh…..without looking around 393 and then they dropped somewhat down to around 323 over three cycles (3wks on – 1wk off). This would make it over a course of …what….3 months. When Nancy asked Keefer what the numbers were of course he didn’t want to tell her. He just kinda put his head on his hand and stated what the report indicated. His comment was that he would come up with something as he had always done before. I guess I was hoping that it was going to continue to work for a time. I knew it wasn’t goin’ to be the cure-all but did hope it would continue to lower the numbers and it would last over a long period of time. Didn’t happen! Hello, it didn’t happen…again!

So here we are once again doing some experimentation on if something else will work for a period of time. New drug – Navelbine (that would be “bine” or “bean” or as “they” call it NavyBean). I myself thought that it sounded more like some type of foreign orange since I relate navel to “navel oranges”. Something for everyone – if you like doin’ chemo drugz!

This is what they call a “push drug” meaning that it is an injectable (injection if for intravenous administration – is that supposed to be injected by an administrator – just use plain descriptions ….please!). It’s a breast cancer drug (do you see the pattern) which is what the last drug was for. Now, I know that Mike (oncologist) is a great physician and I have a lot of faith in is methodology and what he has done over the course of this past 61/2yrs….but….you keep tryin’ breast cancer drugz….it means to Nancy & I that we/she has exhausted all available drugz that are Ovarian Cancer related drugz. There are no more that she can use and Keef stated that they don’t ordinarily “reuse” drugz that were previously used but he also hasn’t ruled that aspect out. I – Nancy just feel like it’s another attempt of prolonging the inevitable. I dunno peepz …….whatz a person supposed to do.?

This last week …..actually the week before we went to the bank and talked w/Nancy’s investment person (before going to chemo treatment) and she drew out several thousands of dollars. Now, you’re asking why? Well we met w/the funeral people (actually a really nice chik – as in around a 50yr old chik) and made arrangements for where we will both reside after we depart – meaning Nancy sooner than me (given I don’t get run over on my bike while out trainin’ this season).

I have a really hard time wrappin’ my head around all of this. She’s payin’ not only for her burial but mine as well……doesn’t seem quite right to me. Anyway, she wanted/needed to get this done since she wants to be “put” really close to where Staci’s at – which was accomplished and we/she will be about two locations down from where she’s at on the same bottom level. This way so that when short people come to see her they won’t have the inconvenience of havin’ to stand on their tippie toes or do some type of cranial adjustment to see what’s written or to put things on the front of the marker.

Cremation – that’s how we’re both goin’. I’m just followin’ her and we’re savin’ a ton on money on the overall expenses. Now, does that not seem really somewhat bizarre? You look for a bargain even in death and someone’s makin’ money off of ya as you’re dyin’. But, we both decided that a casket which is absolutely worthless and the huge amount of money that they cost will eventually deteriorate after a short period of time and the investment (what – 5grand minimum for a box?) isn’t quite worth the end result. Additionally, the chik stated that what we/she was getting was also a Memorial Day special…..read that again….? For those of you who do read this and think about planning for the ultimate rejection you may want to consider doing this around this time of year and capitalize on the “special” and you can save a several hundreds of dollars by doing so. They should actually advertise for this – get it now – currently running the “Memorial Day Special” – save lotza money – going fast – get yours’ now!

Please….do not misunderstand me and what I’m sayin’. BUT, I am havin’ an extremely hard time w/dealin’ with all of this. I have to try to redirect myself all the time to keep from bein’ engulfed in the sadness of what lies in front of me. Life without Nancy – it’s actually like no life at all for me. Despair, it’s the thought of continual sadness over something that I have no control over. It defeats me!

Nancy continues to be Nancy – always a smile – always the “Good Morning” that I have always looked forward to “every morning”!

At this point I think I’ll stop now….for now….I will try to make the updates more often. Maybe one of you who ventures to this blog will comment on why I’m draggin’ my ass and request an immediate update – stop bein’ a bum – we want info – you know – stay on me……it is Tri season ya know.

So groovy people…..until next time – stay kewl (it’s the only way to stay) and remember…..
Train hard, train smart, keep your head up and at the races you’ll kick ass!

As always – Mucho love,
Roger

p.s. tell me if you don't like the font colors...i'll go from there.

Well….okay….it’s now been about exactly eight weeks since I made my last post. Yeah, I know….seems kinda normal for me (remember...normal to me is not normal to ne1 else) and as you might know there were several reasons why it’s taken me so long to get back. Mainly because of how the year started and Nancy losing Staci. I just didn’t quite have it in me and thought if I were to go ahead and make a few entries they might not have come out right.

So, here’s where Nancy stands at this point and time. She is doing the cycle thing again – meaning 3wks in a row on and one week off. Each week is on a Thursday and they have been in the afternoon. I think they she talked about doin’ a Friday schedule and then declined. This first cycle was on a Friday and it wasn’t too bad. Late afternoons at the center are low key, everybody’s hangin’ and not much clientele (sounds betta than patients).

So here’s the deal – new drug Abraxane (I’ll include a link). It’s not an Ovarian cancer drug. It’s for breast cancer (Staci had used it) and it was goin’ to be a freebie from the pharmaceutical company if it “didn’t work” and if it did then the insurance company would be billed for it. So far it’s been workin’….slowly, slowly but seems to be workin’. The numbers when Nancy started on this were at 394 (extremely high) and then after the second round they dropped to 354 and then at the start of the third cycle (started third last Thursday) the numbers were at 321. Don’t get overly excited! Dropping….even slowly….does not mean remission.....just that the drug is working to some extent. My take – well….remember it is my take. I think this is a positive take….numbers dropping slowly …..there doesn’t seem to be any real harsh side effects that I’ve heard about (now remember…this is Nancy….she doesn’t complain….she doesn’t tell me much) and from my observation she seems to be hangin’ in there just as she has been doin’ for the last six and a half years and over eight five plus individual, single chemo treatments. Can you believe what I just said? 85 – as in EIGHTY FIVE…a true non Triathlete Ironman for sure!

Now, for more “stuff”. Nancy has been dealin’ with her right hand for quite some time…like over a year now and has a lot of Neuropathy and has been showing a lot of signs of this bein’ the most ….I dunno….most “bothersome” (I guess) issue that she is dealin’ with. A lot of “extra” doctor visits to people that I’m not quite impressed with. Several different tests to come to some type of conclusion if it’s really her hand or not. An MRI was done last week and the Keefer looked at the results and decided it’s not a hand related issue but more in the upper spinal area. Keefer contacted a neuro guy (Triathlete that I know) who is really tops in his field and Keefer asked if her would “take a look” at Nancy. Of course we know who this dude is quite well. Have known him and who he is for over 17yrs so it’s not like a stranger she is goin’ to see. I don’t think she’s really too hip on seein’ someone who is in the sport that is a seasonal acquaintance. The way I see…ya do what ya gotta do!

Okay peepz….there’s the most current and up to date info on the Main Girl! She still seems to see life with a smile. I still get my “Good Morning” every morning with a smile……even though on most days I don’t suppose I really deserve it (Nancy was pissed off at me for a coupla weeks after I drilled some holes in the beam that runs through the living room ceiling for my “indoor chin-up bar”) but ….hey…at least it redirects her thoughts for a short period of time.

I am not going to comment on her thoughts (everyday) about Staci…..those of you that know…know…..

For those that light here from time to time…..please ……feel free to leave a comment even if you want to stay anonymous…..I think Nancy thinks it’s kewl that I let her know from my stats on this blog that some people actually stop and read it.

So peeps….as I’ve stated before – keep your head down, your eyes up and your back flat (aero position on the bike)……run far, run fast….a body in motion stays in motion…TRAIN HARD, TRAIN SMART and you will kick some ass at the races!

As always,
Mucho love,
Roger

I felt like since I had mentioned Staci several times I would post this and provide a picture of how I told Nancy I would always remember Staci. She was around 23 at this time....she always seemed this young to me.

Staci Lyn McAuley went home to our Lord on Sunday, January 18, 2009, after a courageous battle with breast can­cer. She died in her own home encircled in the love of her hus­band, chil-
odren and parents. Although she was just 40 years old, Staci lived a meaningful and inspired life, touching everyone around her with her faith and endurance down to her final moments. '

Born February 11, 1968, in Alva, Oklahoma, Staci had a life-long passion for music. A native Oklahoman through and through, she graduated from Edmond Memorial High School in 1986 and went on to University of Central Okla­homa to receive her degree in Music Theory. She loved singing and enjoyed major theatrical roles in high school and college productions. She played several musical in­struments and taught voice and piano lessons throughout her adult years, imbuing fu­ture generations with her love of song.

While still a student at UCO, Staci met and married Robert J. McAuley, III. They were blessed with 2 beautiful daughters, Brianna and Kaitlin. Staci was as devoted to marriage and motherhood as she was to music. Her pre­cious girls will be her legacy.

She adored the beach and loved to travel. In recent years Staci was able to take two memorable and meaning­ful vacations. She realized a life-long dream, when she and her family took a cruise around the Hawaiian Islands and, more recently, a wonder­ful trip to the _mountains of Colorado Springs. She re­turned from both trips re­newed with many treasured memories.

In addition to her husband and daughters, Staci is survived by her parents, Nancy Gartman and Stan Lisman, as well as many other beloved family members. The family wishes to express their sin­cerest gratitude to their church families at St. John the Baptist Catholic Church, Life Church, the community of St. Elizabeth Ann Seton Catholic School, Dr. Michael Keefer and the staff at Mercy Hospital, Dr. Kiran Prabhu and staff at Integris Medical Center, and their extended family at Bank of Oklahoma.

One of Staci's favorite musi­cals was the Broadway show "Wicked." She was especial­ly fond of the lyrics from the song "For Good" -- "So let me say before we part, so much of me is made of what I learned from you'. You'll be with me like a handprint on my heart."

Services are being coordinat­ed by Baggerly Funeral Home at 930 S. Broadway in Ed­mond. Funeral service will be held at 10 am, Saturday, Jan­uary 24, at St. John the Bap­tist Catholic Church (9th and Boulevard, Edmond) with the interment directly following at Memorial Park Cemetery at 13400 North Kelley in Ok­lahoma City. Donations may be made in her memory to The American Cancer Society.

Well, ok….I’m lookin’ at my calendar and know that it’s been since November since my last post. I held off updating in December just ‘cuz I wanted to. Besides I had “things” that needed to be done and Christmas time is my fav holiday and I didn’t want to give myself the illusion that things are really great. I mean I could say that they are from certain perspectives, but from the “other” perspectives I would have to say things are not that great.

It was a hard time for Nancy since Staci’s still struggling so hard. I know Nancy has this intuitiveness that this would be her last Christmas with her only daughter. Very grim! I had that feeling back in December ’06 when Nancy had to start back up with the chemo deal. It’s a hard realization! Very hard! She did fool me though I I’ve had two more of my fav holiday since then and I always hope that there will be more!

So, in December, actually it was in November that the etopiside quit working. The numbers started escalating quite a bit. Large jumps and not anything incremental which is not a good sign. Keefer gave her some “samples” of this other drug (pill form) called Arimidex. Now….when you get some form of a drug in a sample form that they just “give” you are (at least I am) inclined to believe that this is just a way of sayin’ maybe, we hope, sorta – that this will work for the time being. Of course it didn’t work for the month (just a little over) period that she was ingesting this. I checked it out from a dollar point of view. To have purchased this the cost was justa bit over $300/20pills which is one cycle. Take in mind that the etopiside cost $1000/20 per cycle I understand the cost versus the outcome. It’s a very simple math equation here in Oklahoma. But I knew that is was only temporary while they worked on getting approval for this other drug that was to be of some significance.

So, the C125 has now escalated to 300+ (probably mid) and I’m sure Nancy will inform me that I have the #’s wrong again but it is over that amount. Do you see the picture here? When numbers are over 100 it’s not good….so this is just more not that good (I understand the grammatical wording here but this is my blog and I’ll put it how I want-I am quite astute in the art of spelling and wording) and it begins to wear on me. So if it wears on me how does it affect Nancy? Well, I just don’t know and I don’t think she knows how to verbally explain it to me even after this 61/2yr battle that continues to rage on within.

I just know that with Staci’s condition Nancy will not engage herself too much since her focus is more on aiding and comforting her as much as she can. She goes over there every day for lunch and stays longer than normal. I’ve never stated this before but I suppose I should add that she was given some sort of suggested timeframe which is at this writing about five months making that around May. Now, it is hard to come to grips with that. It’s like in the movies or the books or the stories that you hear, read or have someone always tellin’ you about that he or she had this or that and that “they” said the same thing to them and they lived another 40 years. Well, I would like to be able to have enough hope that something like that would come to pass with Staci. It would be something to see a modern day miracle! Remember, this is in her brain and has spread to other areas. She’s always on some type of dope and seems to have more bad days than good. I think that’s all I can write about this right now. It’s just too difficult to think about or write about and I know that when Nancy reads this it will upset her as well. I just didn’t think I could let this pass at this point so that’s why I added it.

So on Nancy’s new drug that she had to sign off on several papers to get it approved and accepted to be able to use is a drug called “Abraxane”. It’s a breast cancer drug that “they” (Keefer, etc) and “Nancy” are hoping has some great results. It’s an intravenous drug (she has a port and if you don’t know what that is then go find out yourself and get educated about cancer) and so now we’re/she’s on a three week cycle and a week off which we are having to go back to the Cancer Center. There is no suggested timeframe of how long she will do this. I suppose you keep going until it stops like all the other drugs that have been used. It was quite a treat not having to do this (attend the cancer chair meetings) since back in July. It somehow gave you the sense that things were gonna be okay….….I just have to have hope! Damn, that’s all I got. Like the song “Hope in a Hopeless World” – which is really a kewl song. I play it for Nancy once in awhile….she really likes it…good vocals…good lyrics – so get off your ass and go find it and play it….really loud! The way music was meant to be heard!

Well listen, I guess I’ll end this. I know that if you write too much at once people get bored and don’t seem to get much out of it thinking that there is going to be something real profound written here. I just think I’m profound! Well….at least I’m an Ironman! I say that to Nancy all the time….I think after 15months she would be tired of it…but she’s Nancy and she tolerates me real well and that’s a good thing!

Nancy….how much can you love someone? With her…..endlessly!
So groovy people….if you read all this you are in a state of perpetual kewlness! And above all else….not only should you look kewl (especially crossing the finish line) but you should be kewl!

As always, mucho love,
Roger

Well….I’m runnin’ about a week behind on my update. Had to give myself some time to digest everything and get settled w/my thoughts so I don’t totally blow it.

Nancy’s monthly appointment did not produce anything positive this time around. The numbers from her blood work increased by 50 points. This is not something you think of as bein’ positive and just when things seemed to be goin’ good with this previous drug. The numbers were goin’ down slowly and things looked to be good. Then a big spike! This sucks!

So now it’s a new drug – Arimidex. Keefer (Oncologist) gave her a month’s worth of samples. Samples?...samples...? It’s of my inherent thinking that a cancer drug that you get samples of is not really worth damn. I did some price checking and for a 30 day script it would be around $325/month. Cheap cancer drug……? The etopiside that “was” working had a price tag of $1000/20pills. You do the math. To me (and I’m sure Nancy) this is nothing more than a……gee….take these and I hope it works kinda deal……damn,damn,damn!!

So I asked Nancy the other night (several days after the appointment-which I didn’t go – her and Staci went together ‘cuz they were goin’ to go see a movie together – which I felt was good to stay outa the picture and let them have this time together) while I was fixin’ dinner (breakfast @night) if when things change like this do you view it as …”well, this is it time to die”…kind of thinking. Of course I knew the answer but it’s not something that she would ever just tell me. And of course that’s what she thinks. What else could you do but not think this! You don’t just switch from a drug that stopped working to a drug that appears to be nothing more than a shot in the dark and think it's goin' to be okay. Hell yeah….that’s exactly what you’d think.

We still don’t talk much about the aspect of dyin’ yet. I mean after 61/2 yrs of doin this crap it just seems like a normal part of our lives and we just go with the flow. I seem to think most of the time that this is just another drug and another chance to keep prolongin’ things. I suppose when things stop working is when we’ll have more talks about dyin’. Not somethin’ I’m really lookin forward to.

At this point and time I’m really not quite sure “exactly” what Nancy thinks about it all. I do know that she is very tired of it all. She stays as upbeat as she can and she does it ‘cuz of Staci. I believe that the two of them gather strength from each other and it gets them through at times. I really believe that both of them are growing very weary of living this type of life. Staci more than Nancy since she’s been wheelchair bound for quite some time now. I can’t really get into that side of it….it’s not my place.

So groovy people……this all comes at the holiday time and you’re just thankful (well..I’m thankful) that I don’t have to spend this season alone…….I can’t help but feel, think that time does grow short….kinda like the song by Chesney – Good Stuff.

So, it is Thanksgiving Day and I do have lots to be thankful for. Still havin’ Nancy around is what I am most definitely the most thankful for!

That’s it for now!

As always…mucho love,
Roger

Well, here I am once again. I hope that all of you will take note that I am updating this within a very timely manner unlike other times where I have slacked and waited a week or so. I will give myself some extra kudos for bein’ sucha good boy!

Okay, Nancy went to see the Oncologist this morning. I was not able to make it since I had some prior commitments that were unavoidable w/a work training session that has been in progress since the first of the month. I would have to honestly say that this was the first time I’ve missed a Dr.’s appointment in …oh…what….like 4-5 years now since this has been going on for 6yrs/3months.

The news was quite good! Nancy’s C-125#’s had dropped “some”. They are now down to 112 from 117. One would think that this was not significant. But when you are battling cancer you look at everything as being significant. Now, this drug (again for those that don’t retain information well) etopiside (I just love that I can spell a cancer drug and know what it is) is doing quite well …still! The side effects are still somewhat minimal. Always, always the perpetual fatigue that Nancy has to deal and cope with. Goes to bed tired/wakes up tired. Her appetite is not on a normal level. Most of the times when we get ready for lunch, dinner we always have this since of aggravation as to what. She doesn’t care. I would like to see that she gets something nutritional and healthy into her system and maintain that every day. Doesn’t happen most of the time. So we improvise and do ….basically…whatever. As I’ve stated before; Nancy is really quite healthy….she just has Ovarian cancer of the 3rd degree (that’s Stage 3 for most of you who don’t have a clue).

Her right arm is still an issue and her fingers sometimes seem to “lock up” as in a cramping type of effect. She hasn’t said much about the constant “tingling” effect that has been so prevalent for the past 10 months. But then again….that’s how Nancy is. She isn’t going to complain much about anything ‘cuz she thinks it’s annoying to those us that hear it. Can you imagine that somewhat going through what she has had to endure for the past 6.3yrs would think that she is “annoying someone” with the challenges that she has to face every single day. Example; imagine (I’ve stated this before) that you would not be able to unscrew the cap off of a bottle of water. Or know that you are holding a pen to write with. Or that you can’t pull the plastic seal off of some instant mashed potato item. Just imagine!

She is still the “Ironman” of the family. I just did the race…..I knew where the finish line was.

SHE DOESN’T!

So you guyz keep her in your prayers! Think of her often!

I also know that she would like it if you remembered Staci (you know her only daughter w/the two grandchildren who is only 40 who has Stage4 Breast Cancer) in your prayers.

This is her greatest concern!

Okay, I’ll close now. I am including a coupla pics. These pics are of my “identical twin granddaughters”!!

They are now the “Gartman Duo” –

Invincible! Incredible! They are Jaidyn and Aubree Gartman!

As always…
Mucho love!
Roger

Well, here I am again w/another update. So I’m a week late….I am entitled to some type of failure that is to be excused at times.

Nancy’s numbers did a little more of a drop. I suppose she seemed upbeat about that. As long as they continue to decline that’s a good thing! Didn’t see Keefer but saw this chick doctor and this was my first time to see her w/Nancy….that sounds sorta different since I’ve neva seen her even w/o Nancy. I am merely a spectator…its Nancy’s version of competition as opposed to my type of competition.

Of course if you were to reference this type of activity as competitive she would be a gold medal recipient and w/many plaques’ to go along w/that as well. She would be a top performer and a true standout! I still have no clue as to how she puts this altogether every single day….the constant fatigue…..the constant…..now knowing…the constant, constant that is always constant. I still have this to add that this chemo pill (oral chemo therapy- etopiside) has had the least side effects of any of the other lethals that have been intravenously given over this past 6.3yrs.

She has an upset stomach quite often. Has certain reaction to certain types of food. Doesn’t care much for red meat and prefers chicken. Eats a ton of cottage cheese….tons….well…a whole helluva lot! Then there is this ongoing issue w/her right arm….this is the most prevalent issue as far as physical aspects of the side effects. I don’t think that this is ever going to get better and I do hope that it does not escalate any more than what appears to be at this point. It really is a drag!! At times if not all the time holding a pencil is a task let alone write. Imagine not being able to take the lid off a bottle of water or pop off the top of a Tupperware dish. Think about the smallest of chores that we all do every day that we take for granted. I wished this would go away! I stated before and I’ll state again….I’m an Ironman...but Nancy is the true Ironman of the family!! My race was started and finished…Nancy is still competing at hers.

So, I’ll end this conversation for the evening.

Remember, it really is All About Nancy!

As always…mucho love!
Roger

p.s. I’ve got another music list…it’s really big….I’ll post it later...I always have the best music!!

Well...it seems I've found a new toy w/this playlist thing. So I made a new playlist of love songs to and for Nancy. She has heard them all and I will continue to add to this particular list as time passes by.

The first song that will play is the "very first" love song I ever played for Nancy. Just about says it all. Being a hopeless romantic is one of my good qualities (which are few) but hey.....I keep tryin'!

So, as before click on the "popout" and click to start playing.

Click the Popout window for this player to load and autoplay

IAmTri

Life without Triathlon is not living!

Find more music like this on iAmTri

Well, I’m just about a week late from last week’s visit to Keefer’s office (Nancy’s Oncologist). Things are looking betta w/the #’s. Cancer….it’s always about the numbers. Like gambling….there’re always runnin’ numbers. And like cancer, numbers are also prone to be deadly and of course someone comes to kill you if you’re doin’ the illegal numbers for not paying up. Either way, if one thing doesn’t kill ya another will.

Sometimes I feel like I have this shroud hanging around of impending death. It’s just something that you sometimes have to come to terms with and try not to let it drive you insane. In my case of course I am at that point and have been ever since I was….probably 6yrs. old. I think it was because I really hated drinking milk and I did not develop correctly.

So, for the serious part….Nancy was quite pleased as were I and Keefer. He stated that this was the good part of being an Oncologist. Being able to see good results from the serious decisions that have to be made and feel confident of the success from those decisions. Very special people! Nancy has one of the best I believe. We always talk like family for a bit before the checkup. He’s into Taekwondo (along w/his son) and Nascar. One time on his birthday he went the Texas Motor Speedway and drove one of those autos. I have no idea on how long or how fast. I know he had to have had a ball. This dude has to be under a huge amount of stress and I know that Nancy oftentimes has real concerns for him and always tells him that. I mean….c’mon…..after 61/2yrs we are like family. We know everybody. Everybody knows us. We just don’t have family dinners or go on vacations together.

Ok, so just a quick update on Staci (Nancy’s daughter if you’ve neva been here before). HHHHmmmmm……she continues to struggle and has had to go back to doin’ this certain type of chemo drug that has some real harsh side effects. I know she was bummed (from what Nancy says) and I can’t say that I understand that but I do have an idea of how this goes. I won’t get too involved w/any details ‘cuz ya just neva know if someone is goin’ to get really bent about discussing their life in these types of settings. I did provide a link at one time to Staci’s blog so check it out sometime. She hasn’t been able to update it for the past 3months. Maybe I’ll see if she would like for me to play secretary and she can dictate to me what she would like to post. Imagine that……someone dictating to me!!!! Sounds absolutely ludicrous! But hey….that’s just the kinda guy I am.

Well….I’ve said enough for this time around. Hope I made some kinda sense to everyone….if not…well….that’s just me:)!

Mucho love,
Roger (Ironman)

See the orange looking figure. That is a catamarran that was on the course during swim workouts prior to the race. It is a "coffee bar" where you could hang off the edge of the pontoons and have "kold or hot coffee" (Kona coffee) or kold water or gatorade. You just hang around bobbing in the water chatting w/everyone and then you take back off to go further out or back in to the shore. This was located 700 meters from the start.

Well, now it's been about a month since the last post. So I seem to be on top of things to some extent. There has not been much of a change w/Nancy. She is still using this chemo pill (etopiside). I feel really smart for the fact that I am able to spell some pharmaceutical drug. This drug has had a lot less side effects than all of the others. That's a real plus!! Of course Nancy continues to stay infinitely fatigued from the time she wakes up until she goes to bed. I still have no idea or clue how she performs throughout each and every day. I am totally amazed how she functions like that. She does seem to be sleeping quite well for the most part these days. Seems like it's been quite awhile since she's got up in the middle of the night and gone in and layed on the couch to try and go back to sleep. But at times she might lay there for a couple of hours before she fall back asleep. It's just an ongoing continual process. I suppose it's really good that she has me to create these always ever present ongoing diversions! It's quite simple for me 'cuz all I have to do is just "act normal" and "be myself".
There's really a whole lot more goin' on at this point that involves Staci but I believe I will forego the update to her situation. If you're interested you can go here Staci. She has not updated her blog for the past two months but if you've neva been there you'll get the basic idea. Maybe next time I'll expound on that.
So muchacos, I will catch up to ya l8r on!

Mucho love,
Roger

Well, you know it’s been so long since I last did an entry. There’s been so much that has gone on since “September”! Sheez, you would think that I would be more on top of things since it has been ….what….10 months!! What a bum!

So let me see….since we’ve been to the IM World Championships in Kona, HI in October of ’07; there’s been Halloween….that was okay since we don’t dress up anymore and go house to house to get free stuff. Even adults have to be cautious these dayz!

Then we had Thanksgiving. That was all good. Had all the usual stuff. I know Nancy did a lot of the cooking…I know I did some….I know I did…’cuz I’m a good boy….but all in all it was a good holiday. Actually, any day w/Nancy is a good day. Too bad most of you miss out on that!

Now, we move on to Christmas. Again, another good holiday w/Nancy and this would mark a full year that she has been back doin’ chemo w/o any breaks in between. I’ll also add New Years in here to. Always a good time when you have Nancy w/you, she just seems to make the start of a new year a good one.

Valentine’s Day: we usually go somewhere before that day just to avoid the freaked out mass of crowds that show up for this celebration. Honestly, I cannot remember where we went. I did buy some really, really kewl flowers. But, of course I always send really kewl flowers!
Okay, next up the anniversary April 13, 2008. THIS WOULD BE FIFTEEN YEARS!!!! What a deal! She has actually managed to make it w/me for this long w/o going crazy. Nancy and I have actually been together for 19yrs.!!! That is just too incredible!!!

Now, its summertime (deep in summer) and things are going on at a normal pace. I’m training a lot and have only done one race so far. I do have a very short sprint triathlon this weekend of which Nancy will be there as usual. Then I have another race in AR next month. This one will be over 5hrs. and it will be furnace hot and humid. I am always concerned about Nancy being out so long in that heat…she’ll be able to go to the car and kool off some...off and on…but still it is a concern for me. One thing you have to remember is that she endured Ironman and it took me 13:58:15 hrs to complete. It wasn’t as hot….but damn!!!...what a long day!!!.....she is the true Ironman in the family!!

So there is another story going on here that is of substantial mention and that would be Staci. That’s Nancy’s only daughter. She is due to be released from the hospital Thursday afternoon. She had to have surgery on her brain to remove a tumor. She is a stage4 breast cancer survivor. I’ll include the link to her blog that I would encourage you to take a look at it. Staci > you really should check this out! If you don’t I would hate to send Vic over to see you!! You should know that Vic is not someone you want visiting you.

Okay, so thanks for listening to my endless babble. I hope you’ll be back more often and I’ll try to do a betta job on the updates.

So as always; Mucho Love,
Roger

Well....it's been quite awhile since I last posted anything. Actually over 4wks ago. But when you are only doin' a treatment every month....that's the current timeline I'm subjected to. This new drug is not quite what we expected. I myself thought it would have some profoud effects on Nancy, but quite the contrary. She does still have the onset of the perpetual fatigue factor. She also has started getting blisters on her feet to some extent. The palms of her hands are a very red color but nothing other than that. Her feet keep her from doin' the early morning walks consistently. With us bein' so close to go to IM I know she is really concerned about being a nuisance and having to make concessions on what her physical limitations will be. Quite frankly I could give a damn about that! I'll carry her around if need be. It's the fact that we have made it to this lifelong struggle for me to get to this amazing event. My quest is almost complete and it would not be complete if I had to make this journey w/o her. It just would not be the same. I have reservations as to the fact that I would go there alone. I mean I know I would...it would just be so .....well....I deal w/that if it happens.

I know that this is going to be the most awesome time that we'll have together. We really haven't had a "real vacation" since we went to the Escape from Alcatraz Triathlon back in'98. That was like a 5yr anniversary trip. That was such a romantic time and we had a ton 'o fun!!

This trip will far exceed that. I hope that I'll be able to rent a scoot and travel up/down the coastline catching all the beauty of the island. This will be an event all by itself. I've gotta try to get Nancy into the water. She is definitely not a water person. I'm also tryin' to get her to have her hair colored a little and trimmed up so she won't have to wear that wig all the time we're over there. She is so self conscience about that but she looks so cute w/her short hair. I just know she would love not having to screw around w/that wig. Gotta work on that part!

Anyway, she isn't due for another treatment until the day after we get back from the excursion. But it'll be paradise for 9dayz!!

I'll give another update maybe while we're on the big island.

Until then and as always,

Mucho love,

Roger

p.s. I couldn't resist adding this image for a different look...Hawaii....Bonzai!!

Well!!....here I am again and yes it is that time once again. Nancy (we) had about 5 wks off (sorta like a chemo vacation w/o pay) so that more tests could be run. One test was to insure that her "heart" could handle the drug.....sheez...that's a real vote of confidence isn't it. That's exactly what I would want to hear. We're gonna infuse your sytem w/a drug that may cause you heart failure....ok...now I'm really relaxed!

Now, we, she, me are gald that we live in a country where we have this type of medical access it's just that this is so draining. Not so much for me but for Nancy. This new stuff is "red fluid" which they call "red devil". Another reason to feel so relaxed that they have provided this descriptive name. It didn't take too long for the treatment which is a real plus. Maybe start to finish was 2+hrs.

Staci was already there doin' her wkly deal. We didn't get to sit together. The room was completely full! Standing room only! Nancy had to wait until a chair was empty. My statement to everyone was "Wow...it looks like cancer is increasing in popularity!!" So....that means the drug companies are still making extradinarily large amounts of money at other's expense. It's good we have them....but....many pockets are being filled. Ask a pharmaceutical rep what they make a yr sometime.....low level...over $70k/yr + the company car and expense that they milk and use for personal expense at our expense......yes....I know they do.

Either way I don't really give a damn!

So Nancy didn't sleep real well last night. Nothing new there! She does seem to feel a whole lot betta than we thought she would. No extreme nausea....but that's because I told her to take one of the $40. pills for that. Get that price....had a script for 10....yep...just under $400 for the script but she does have great insurance and it was a $10/co-pay.

This round of treatments will be once a month....for 6months.....now I can figure that duration of time quite easily. I don't need a calc!

We're just hoping to keep us all alive so that we can make it to the Ironman Championships in HI that we have everything setup for. Very expensive trip....but it could quite be our last major trip that we're able to take together. SO!...it will be very special...hell it would be special even w/o the race. I have no doubt that we will have a lot of emotional energy transcending throughout the 9 day stay. Maybe I can get her on a surfboard....probably not.

I/We do hope that this drug workx this time around. At the end of this treatment which will be first of Feb that the CA125 counts will be down to a lower level....which they haven't been all year long...AND the first of Dec will mark a "complete year long struggle of continuous chemo treatments"! A full year of chemo....that's too long! But I'm glad that she/we have options......options are a good thing.

I'll incude a coupla pics this time around....they are not quite what I would like but to get Nancy to pose for a photo is....well....like....like doin chemo....something she would rather do w/o....so she'll rag on me for doin' it....but....that's just the way it is when you live w/someone who does what he wants.

Until next time....

Mucho love,

Roger