Well….I’m runnin’ about a week behind on my update. Had to give myself some time to digest everything and get settled w/my thoughts so I don’t totally blow it.

Nancy’s monthly appointment did not produce anything positive this time around. The numbers from her blood work increased by 50 points. This is not something you think of as bein’ positive and just when things seemed to be goin’ good with this previous drug. The numbers were goin’ down slowly and things looked to be good. Then a big spike! This sucks!

So now it’s a new drug – Arimidex. Keefer (Oncologist) gave her a month’s worth of samples. Samples?...samples...? It’s of my inherent thinking that a cancer drug that you get samples of is not really worth damn. I did some price checking and for a 30 day script it would be around $325/month. Cheap cancer drug……? The etopiside that “was” working had a price tag of $1000/20pills. You do the math. To me (and I’m sure Nancy) this is nothing more than a……gee….take these and I hope it works kinda deal……damn,damn,damn!!

So I asked Nancy the other night (several days after the appointment-which I didn’t go – her and Staci went together ‘cuz they were goin’ to go see a movie together – which I felt was good to stay outa the picture and let them have this time together) while I was fixin’ dinner (breakfast @night) if when things change like this do you view it as …”well, this is it time to die”…kind of thinking. Of course I knew the answer but it’s not something that she would ever just tell me. And of course that’s what she thinks. What else could you do but not think this! You don’t just switch from a drug that stopped working to a drug that appears to be nothing more than a shot in the dark and think it's goin' to be okay. Hell yeah….that’s exactly what you’d think.

We still don’t talk much about the aspect of dyin’ yet. I mean after 61/2 yrs of doin this crap it just seems like a normal part of our lives and we just go with the flow. I seem to think most of the time that this is just another drug and another chance to keep prolongin’ things. I suppose when things stop working is when we’ll have more talks about dyin’. Not somethin’ I’m really lookin forward to.

At this point and time I’m really not quite sure “exactly” what Nancy thinks about it all. I do know that she is very tired of it all. She stays as upbeat as she can and she does it ‘cuz of Staci. I believe that the two of them gather strength from each other and it gets them through at times. I really believe that both of them are growing very weary of living this type of life. Staci more than Nancy since she’s been wheelchair bound for quite some time now. I can’t really get into that side of it….it’s not my place.

So groovy people……this all comes at the holiday time and you’re just thankful (well..I’m thankful) that I don’t have to spend this season alone…….I can’t help but feel, think that time does grow short….kinda like the song by Chesney – Good Stuff.

So, it is Thanksgiving Day and I do have lots to be thankful for. Still havin’ Nancy around is what I am most definitely the most thankful for!

That’s it for now!

As always…mucho love,
Roger