Well, ok….I’m lookin’ at my calendar and know that it’s been since November since my last post. I held off updating in December just ‘cuz I wanted to. Besides I had “things” that needed to be done and Christmas time is my fav holiday and I didn’t want to give myself the illusion that things are really great. I mean I could say that they are from certain perspectives, but from the “other” perspectives I would have to say things are not that great.

It was a hard time for Nancy since Staci’s still struggling so hard. I know Nancy has this intuitiveness that this would be her last Christmas with her only daughter. Very grim! I had that feeling back in December ’06 when Nancy had to start back up with the chemo deal. It’s a hard realization! Very hard! She did fool me though I I’ve had two more of my fav holiday since then and I always hope that there will be more!

So, in December, actually it was in November that the etopiside quit working. The numbers started escalating quite a bit. Large jumps and not anything incremental which is not a good sign. Keefer gave her some “samples” of this other drug (pill form) called Arimidex. Now….when you get some form of a drug in a sample form that they just “give” you are (at least I am) inclined to believe that this is just a way of sayin’ maybe, we hope, sorta – that this will work for the time being. Of course it didn’t work for the month (just a little over) period that she was ingesting this. I checked it out from a dollar point of view. To have purchased this the cost was justa bit over $300/20pills which is one cycle. Take in mind that the etopiside cost $1000/20 per cycle I understand the cost versus the outcome. It’s a very simple math equation here in Oklahoma. But I knew that is was only temporary while they worked on getting approval for this other drug that was to be of some significance.

So, the C125 has now escalated to 300+ (probably mid) and I’m sure Nancy will inform me that I have the #’s wrong again but it is over that amount. Do you see the picture here? When numbers are over 100 it’s not good….so this is just more not that good (I understand the grammatical wording here but this is my blog and I’ll put it how I want-I am quite astute in the art of spelling and wording) and it begins to wear on me. So if it wears on me how does it affect Nancy? Well, I just don’t know and I don’t think she knows how to verbally explain it to me even after this 61/2yr battle that continues to rage on within.

I just know that with Staci’s condition Nancy will not engage herself too much since her focus is more on aiding and comforting her as much as she can. She goes over there every day for lunch and stays longer than normal. I’ve never stated this before but I suppose I should add that she was given some sort of suggested timeframe which is at this writing about five months making that around May. Now, it is hard to come to grips with that. It’s like in the movies or the books or the stories that you hear, read or have someone always tellin’ you about that he or she had this or that and that “they” said the same thing to them and they lived another 40 years. Well, I would like to be able to have enough hope that something like that would come to pass with Staci. It would be something to see a modern day miracle! Remember, this is in her brain and has spread to other areas. She’s always on some type of dope and seems to have more bad days than good. I think that’s all I can write about this right now. It’s just too difficult to think about or write about and I know that when Nancy reads this it will upset her as well. I just didn’t think I could let this pass at this point so that’s why I added it.

So on Nancy’s new drug that she had to sign off on several papers to get it approved and accepted to be able to use is a drug called “Abraxane”. It’s a breast cancer drug that “they” (Keefer, etc) and “Nancy” are hoping has some great results. It’s an intravenous drug (she has a port and if you don’t know what that is then go find out yourself and get educated about cancer) and so now we’re/she’s on a three week cycle and a week off which we are having to go back to the Cancer Center. There is no suggested timeframe of how long she will do this. I suppose you keep going until it stops like all the other drugs that have been used. It was quite a treat not having to do this (attend the cancer chair meetings) since back in July. It somehow gave you the sense that things were gonna be okay….….I just have to have hope! Damn, that’s all I got. Like the song “Hope in a Hopeless World” – which is really a kewl song. I play it for Nancy once in awhile….she really likes it…good vocals…good lyrics – so get off your ass and go find it and play it….really loud! The way music was meant to be heard!

Well listen, I guess I’ll end this. I know that if you write too much at once people get bored and don’t seem to get much out of it thinking that there is going to be something real profound written here. I just think I’m profound! Well….at least I’m an Ironman! I say that to Nancy all the time….I think after 15months she would be tired of it…but she’s Nancy and she tolerates me real well and that’s a good thing!

Nancy….how much can you love someone? With her…..endlessly!
So groovy people….if you read all this you are in a state of perpetual kewlness! And above all else….not only should you look kewl (especially crossing the finish line) but you should be kewl!

As always, mucho love,
Roger