Well…..ok peepz….here we go. An information update. Now I do believe that I forgot to mention in the last post about the trip to the emergency room back around the first of April. We were at the center getting ready to a treatment and Nancy wanted to talk w/Keef or one of the other doctors about almost passing out the Sunday before over at the Duo’s (my identical twin granddaughters – surely I’ve mentioned them before) house. Of course I didn’t hear of this until that day (or the day before) and Nancy stated that she felt like her heart had stopped. Anyway, the “other” Dr. (a chik) told her to go over to the emergency room and get this checked out. Things didn’t sound right. Nancy had also developed this severe pain that was up in her shoulder area (this is where Staci’s cancer came back at) and I know it must’ve really scared her. So, we’re over at the ER and doin’ this test and that test and x-rays, etc. Then the ER doc came in and stated that there was a “spot” (tumor) on her spleen area that was quite big and causing the pain due to it putting pressure on the lungs which in turn caused the shoulder to develop this pain. There was also another spot close to the liver that he said he wasn’t able to tell if it was an old or new spot (bullshit I say – aren’t these guyz professional) and Keef would have to take a look and see whtz up. Bottom line….this didn’t go anywhere. The pain subsided and we are now where we were from the last post.

BUT!....there is yet another twist to this ongoing madness. So here it is. This drug is not working……it's….not….working. Nancy’s C125 has completely skyrocketed and the #’s are over 818. They have doubled since the last C125 was run over three wks ago. You see where this is goin’.

Keef didn’t really want to give up the numbers but I was the one that insisted ‘cuz I/we/Nancy knew that something was not quite right. We have basically run out of options……as in pretty much done at this point. We all talked about what to do. It’s really all up to Nancy. She basically wanted me to make the decision. So I said lets give this one more cycle….meaning last Friday and this Friday will end the cycle. We’ll be off a week and then Monday the 25th she’ll give out the blood and then the following Friday-5/29 we’ll see Keef. If there isn’t any change or the numbers go up again…..then……we….she…..Nancy will cease to do treatments and will let the onset of the cancer takes its course. She is extremely tired of the attempts without any results and there is nothing more really that can be done. Keef stated that there was another drug but the side effects were so extremely harsh with very little gain that is was not used that much. There would only be about a 10% chance that is would have an effect. Nancy is not willing at this point to put herself through the pain with little chance of results.

It was quite emotional. Keef stood up and hugged Nancy and he was having a hard time holding back the tears while Nancy cried. I was trying to hold it all together as best as I could. I was really kinda numb more than anything. Keef…..he is quite an Oncologist! I have no doubt that he has developed a since of love for Nancy. Almost seven years…..if you’re exposed to Nancy for over 7mins you can’t help but love her!

Anyways, we went on and did the treatment that day. Things went on the rest of the day as usual and now we see what unfolds.

I guess at this point I don’t have much more to offer. I try to wrap myself around what will be coming.

We wait.

So groovy peepz…..the updates will be more forthcoming…..to try to keep up w/the progress.

As always; keep your head down, your back flat, train hard, train smart – then kick some ass at the races!

Mucho love,
Roger

Well, ok….so here I am …..runnin’ quite a bit behind….again. I would suppose its due in part to the situation at hand w/things makin’ yet another change.

The last drug did stop workin’. On the last checkup w/Keefer the #’s (C125) had gone up dramatically. As in over a 100 pts increase. Now, remember that numbers were quite high when it was first initiated. Starting at …oh…..without looking around 393 and then they dropped somewhat down to around 323 over three cycles (3wks on – 1wk off). This would make it over a course of …what….3 months. When Nancy asked Keefer what the numbers were of course he didn’t want to tell her. He just kinda put his head on his hand and stated what the report indicated. His comment was that he would come up with something as he had always done before. I guess I was hoping that it was going to continue to work for a time. I knew it wasn’t goin’ to be the cure-all but did hope it would continue to lower the numbers and it would last over a long period of time. Didn’t happen! Hello, it didn’t happen…again!

So here we are once again doing some experimentation on if something else will work for a period of time. New drug – Navelbine (that would be “bine” or “bean” or as “they” call it NavyBean). I myself thought that it sounded more like some type of foreign orange since I relate navel to “navel oranges”. Something for everyone – if you like doin’ chemo drugz!

This is what they call a “push drug” meaning that it is an injectable (injection if for intravenous administration – is that supposed to be injected by an administrator – just use plain descriptions ….please!). It’s a breast cancer drug (do you see the pattern) which is what the last drug was for. Now, I know that Mike (oncologist) is a great physician and I have a lot of faith in is methodology and what he has done over the course of this past 61/2yrs….but….you keep tryin’ breast cancer drugz….it means to Nancy & I that we/she has exhausted all available drugz that are Ovarian Cancer related drugz. There are no more that she can use and Keef stated that they don’t ordinarily “reuse” drugz that were previously used but he also hasn’t ruled that aspect out. I – Nancy just feel like it’s another attempt of prolonging the inevitable. I dunno peepz …….whatz a person supposed to do.?

This last week …..actually the week before we went to the bank and talked w/Nancy’s investment person (before going to chemo treatment) and she drew out several thousands of dollars. Now, you’re asking why? Well we met w/the funeral people (actually a really nice chik – as in around a 50yr old chik) and made arrangements for where we will both reside after we depart – meaning Nancy sooner than me (given I don’t get run over on my bike while out trainin’ this season).

I have a really hard time wrappin’ my head around all of this. She’s payin’ not only for her burial but mine as well……doesn’t seem quite right to me. Anyway, she wanted/needed to get this done since she wants to be “put” really close to where Staci’s at – which was accomplished and we/she will be about two locations down from where she’s at on the same bottom level. This way so that when short people come to see her they won’t have the inconvenience of havin’ to stand on their tippie toes or do some type of cranial adjustment to see what’s written or to put things on the front of the marker.

Cremation – that’s how we’re both goin’. I’m just followin’ her and we’re savin’ a ton on money on the overall expenses. Now, does that not seem really somewhat bizarre? You look for a bargain even in death and someone’s makin’ money off of ya as you’re dyin’. But, we both decided that a casket which is absolutely worthless and the huge amount of money that they cost will eventually deteriorate after a short period of time and the investment (what – 5grand minimum for a box?) isn’t quite worth the end result. Additionally, the chik stated that what we/she was getting was also a Memorial Day special…..read that again….? For those of you who do read this and think about planning for the ultimate rejection you may want to consider doing this around this time of year and capitalize on the “special” and you can save a several hundreds of dollars by doing so. They should actually advertise for this – get it now – currently running the “Memorial Day Special” – save lotza money – going fast – get yours’ now!

Please….do not misunderstand me and what I’m sayin’. BUT, I am havin’ an extremely hard time w/dealin’ with all of this. I have to try to redirect myself all the time to keep from bein’ engulfed in the sadness of what lies in front of me. Life without Nancy – it’s actually like no life at all for me. Despair, it’s the thought of continual sadness over something that I have no control over. It defeats me!

Nancy continues to be Nancy – always a smile – always the “Good Morning” that I have always looked forward to “every morning”!

At this point I think I’ll stop now….for now….I will try to make the updates more often. Maybe one of you who ventures to this blog will comment on why I’m draggin’ my ass and request an immediate update – stop bein’ a bum – we want info – you know – stay on me……it is Tri season ya know.

So groovy people…..until next time – stay kewl (it’s the only way to stay) and remember…..
Train hard, train smart, keep your head up and at the races you’ll kick ass!

As always – Mucho love,
Roger

p.s. tell me if you don't like the font colors...i'll go from there.

Well….okay….it’s now been about exactly eight weeks since I made my last post. Yeah, I know….seems kinda normal for me (remember...normal to me is not normal to ne1 else) and as you might know there were several reasons why it’s taken me so long to get back. Mainly because of how the year started and Nancy losing Staci. I just didn’t quite have it in me and thought if I were to go ahead and make a few entries they might not have come out right.

So, here’s where Nancy stands at this point and time. She is doing the cycle thing again – meaning 3wks in a row on and one week off. Each week is on a Thursday and they have been in the afternoon. I think they she talked about doin’ a Friday schedule and then declined. This first cycle was on a Friday and it wasn’t too bad. Late afternoons at the center are low key, everybody’s hangin’ and not much clientele (sounds betta than patients).

So here’s the deal – new drug Abraxane (I’ll include a link). It’s not an Ovarian cancer drug. It’s for breast cancer (Staci had used it) and it was goin’ to be a freebie from the pharmaceutical company if it “didn’t work” and if it did then the insurance company would be billed for it. So far it’s been workin’….slowly, slowly but seems to be workin’. The numbers when Nancy started on this were at 394 (extremely high) and then after the second round they dropped to 354 and then at the start of the third cycle (started third last Thursday) the numbers were at 321. Don’t get overly excited! Dropping….even slowly….does not mean remission.....just that the drug is working to some extent. My take – well….remember it is my take. I think this is a positive take….numbers dropping slowly …..there doesn’t seem to be any real harsh side effects that I’ve heard about (now remember…this is Nancy….she doesn’t complain….she doesn’t tell me much) and from my observation she seems to be hangin’ in there just as she has been doin’ for the last six and a half years and over eight five plus individual, single chemo treatments. Can you believe what I just said? 85 – as in EIGHTY FIVE…a true non Triathlete Ironman for sure!

Now, for more “stuff”. Nancy has been dealin’ with her right hand for quite some time…like over a year now and has a lot of Neuropathy and has been showing a lot of signs of this bein’ the most ….I dunno….most “bothersome” (I guess) issue that she is dealin’ with. A lot of “extra” doctor visits to people that I’m not quite impressed with. Several different tests to come to some type of conclusion if it’s really her hand or not. An MRI was done last week and the Keefer looked at the results and decided it’s not a hand related issue but more in the upper spinal area. Keefer contacted a neuro guy (Triathlete that I know) who is really tops in his field and Keefer asked if her would “take a look” at Nancy. Of course we know who this dude is quite well. Have known him and who he is for over 17yrs so it’s not like a stranger she is goin’ to see. I don’t think she’s really too hip on seein’ someone who is in the sport that is a seasonal acquaintance. The way I see…ya do what ya gotta do!

Okay peepz….there’s the most current and up to date info on the Main Girl! She still seems to see life with a smile. I still get my “Good Morning” every morning with a smile……even though on most days I don’t suppose I really deserve it (Nancy was pissed off at me for a coupla weeks after I drilled some holes in the beam that runs through the living room ceiling for my “indoor chin-up bar”) but ….hey…at least it redirects her thoughts for a short period of time.

I am not going to comment on her thoughts (everyday) about Staci…..those of you that know…know…..

For those that light here from time to time…..please ……feel free to leave a comment even if you want to stay anonymous…..I think Nancy thinks it’s kewl that I let her know from my stats on this blog that some people actually stop and read it.

So peeps….as I’ve stated before – keep your head down, your eyes up and your back flat (aero position on the bike)……run far, run fast….a body in motion stays in motion…TRAIN HARD, TRAIN SMART and you will kick some ass at the races!

As always,
Mucho love,
Roger

I felt like since I had mentioned Staci several times I would post this and provide a picture of how I told Nancy I would always remember Staci. She was around 23 at this time....she always seemed this young to me.

Staci Lyn McAuley went home to our Lord on Sunday, January 18, 2009, after a courageous battle with breast can­cer. She died in her own home encircled in the love of her hus­band, chil-
odren and parents. Although she was just 40 years old, Staci lived a meaningful and inspired life, touching everyone around her with her faith and endurance down to her final moments. '

Born February 11, 1968, in Alva, Oklahoma, Staci had a life-long passion for music. A native Oklahoman through and through, she graduated from Edmond Memorial High School in 1986 and went on to University of Central Okla­homa to receive her degree in Music Theory. She loved singing and enjoyed major theatrical roles in high school and college productions. She played several musical in­struments and taught voice and piano lessons throughout her adult years, imbuing fu­ture generations with her love of song.

While still a student at UCO, Staci met and married Robert J. McAuley, III. They were blessed with 2 beautiful daughters, Brianna and Kaitlin. Staci was as devoted to marriage and motherhood as she was to music. Her pre­cious girls will be her legacy.

She adored the beach and loved to travel. In recent years Staci was able to take two memorable and meaning­ful vacations. She realized a life-long dream, when she and her family took a cruise around the Hawaiian Islands and, more recently, a wonder­ful trip to the _mountains of Colorado Springs. She re­turned from both trips re­newed with many treasured memories.

In addition to her husband and daughters, Staci is survived by her parents, Nancy Gartman and Stan Lisman, as well as many other beloved family members. The family wishes to express their sin­cerest gratitude to their church families at St. John the Baptist Catholic Church, Life Church, the community of St. Elizabeth Ann Seton Catholic School, Dr. Michael Keefer and the staff at Mercy Hospital, Dr. Kiran Prabhu and staff at Integris Medical Center, and their extended family at Bank of Oklahoma.

One of Staci's favorite musi­cals was the Broadway show "Wicked." She was especial­ly fond of the lyrics from the song "For Good" -- "So let me say before we part, so much of me is made of what I learned from you'. You'll be with me like a handprint on my heart."

Services are being coordinat­ed by Baggerly Funeral Home at 930 S. Broadway in Ed­mond. Funeral service will be held at 10 am, Saturday, Jan­uary 24, at St. John the Bap­tist Catholic Church (9th and Boulevard, Edmond) with the interment directly following at Memorial Park Cemetery at 13400 North Kelley in Ok­lahoma City. Donations may be made in her memory to The American Cancer Society.

Well, ok….I’m lookin’ at my calendar and know that it’s been since November since my last post. I held off updating in December just ‘cuz I wanted to. Besides I had “things” that needed to be done and Christmas time is my fav holiday and I didn’t want to give myself the illusion that things are really great. I mean I could say that they are from certain perspectives, but from the “other” perspectives I would have to say things are not that great.

It was a hard time for Nancy since Staci’s still struggling so hard. I know Nancy has this intuitiveness that this would be her last Christmas with her only daughter. Very grim! I had that feeling back in December ’06 when Nancy had to start back up with the chemo deal. It’s a hard realization! Very hard! She did fool me though I I’ve had two more of my fav holiday since then and I always hope that there will be more!

So, in December, actually it was in November that the etopiside quit working. The numbers started escalating quite a bit. Large jumps and not anything incremental which is not a good sign. Keefer gave her some “samples” of this other drug (pill form) called Arimidex. Now….when you get some form of a drug in a sample form that they just “give” you are (at least I am) inclined to believe that this is just a way of sayin’ maybe, we hope, sorta – that this will work for the time being. Of course it didn’t work for the month (just a little over) period that she was ingesting this. I checked it out from a dollar point of view. To have purchased this the cost was justa bit over $300/20pills which is one cycle. Take in mind that the etopiside cost $1000/20 per cycle I understand the cost versus the outcome. It’s a very simple math equation here in Oklahoma. But I knew that is was only temporary while they worked on getting approval for this other drug that was to be of some significance.

So, the C125 has now escalated to 300+ (probably mid) and I’m sure Nancy will inform me that I have the #’s wrong again but it is over that amount. Do you see the picture here? When numbers are over 100 it’s not good….so this is just more not that good (I understand the grammatical wording here but this is my blog and I’ll put it how I want-I am quite astute in the art of spelling and wording) and it begins to wear on me. So if it wears on me how does it affect Nancy? Well, I just don’t know and I don’t think she knows how to verbally explain it to me even after this 61/2yr battle that continues to rage on within.

I just know that with Staci’s condition Nancy will not engage herself too much since her focus is more on aiding and comforting her as much as she can. She goes over there every day for lunch and stays longer than normal. I’ve never stated this before but I suppose I should add that she was given some sort of suggested timeframe which is at this writing about five months making that around May. Now, it is hard to come to grips with that. It’s like in the movies or the books or the stories that you hear, read or have someone always tellin’ you about that he or she had this or that and that “they” said the same thing to them and they lived another 40 years. Well, I would like to be able to have enough hope that something like that would come to pass with Staci. It would be something to see a modern day miracle! Remember, this is in her brain and has spread to other areas. She’s always on some type of dope and seems to have more bad days than good. I think that’s all I can write about this right now. It’s just too difficult to think about or write about and I know that when Nancy reads this it will upset her as well. I just didn’t think I could let this pass at this point so that’s why I added it.

So on Nancy’s new drug that she had to sign off on several papers to get it approved and accepted to be able to use is a drug called “Abraxane”. It’s a breast cancer drug that “they” (Keefer, etc) and “Nancy” are hoping has some great results. It’s an intravenous drug (she has a port and if you don’t know what that is then go find out yourself and get educated about cancer) and so now we’re/she’s on a three week cycle and a week off which we are having to go back to the Cancer Center. There is no suggested timeframe of how long she will do this. I suppose you keep going until it stops like all the other drugs that have been used. It was quite a treat not having to do this (attend the cancer chair meetings) since back in July. It somehow gave you the sense that things were gonna be okay….….I just have to have hope! Damn, that’s all I got. Like the song “Hope in a Hopeless World” – which is really a kewl song. I play it for Nancy once in awhile….she really likes it…good vocals…good lyrics – so get off your ass and go find it and play it….really loud! The way music was meant to be heard!

Well listen, I guess I’ll end this. I know that if you write too much at once people get bored and don’t seem to get much out of it thinking that there is going to be something real profound written here. I just think I’m profound! Well….at least I’m an Ironman! I say that to Nancy all the time….I think after 15months she would be tired of it…but she’s Nancy and she tolerates me real well and that’s a good thing!

Nancy….how much can you love someone? With her…..endlessly!
So groovy people….if you read all this you are in a state of perpetual kewlness! And above all else….not only should you look kewl (especially crossing the finish line) but you should be kewl!

As always, mucho love,
Roger