Well Damn!!....I am just ..I dunno ....so upset for Nancy! She had to go in for surgery yesterday to get a "port" put in. SO, you don't know what that is I would assume. It's a medical device that actually has to be inserted under the skin just above the breast area for them to be able to infuse the chemo drugz. Why this, 'cuz her veins are all used up and they cannot use her other arm since she had breast cancer and had to have the lymph glands removed. You cannot use this side 'cuz it has complicated issues w/trying to inject anything from that side. You can't even use it to draw blood from.

So this is another episode that she has been trying to keep from having to go through. She was so set against it 'cuz it's like a constant "daily reminder" that you have cancer. I know that she never forgets but I would believe at times you are able to disassociate yourself from that part of your daily living. I mean...sheez....it seems like things are so ongoing this time around. It's goin' on the middle of June and we're still dickin' around w/this crap!! Shoulda been finished last March at the end of the month.

Nancy is quite the trooper though! She seems to at some point try to accept these things. She got up and went to work this morning at my dismay. She really is a very healthy, physically fit person. She just gets cancer! What kinda deal is that. I guess I'll neva be able to quite bridge those together.

Even though "I" try to accept what is going on this time around it's still quite difficult for me to grasp and try to just have a day w/o incident. I suppose for the most part that is what I do. I try to adapt to the situations that arise and aid/support Nancy to the greatest extent that I can. I guess sometimes it might not give that appearance but I do try.

Most of the time you can't get many signals from Nancy as to how she's processing things. I have to try and drag them outa her. That's another chore wthin itself. But it's probably her way of disassociating herself w/the matters at hand to live life each day as though it's just another day.

Anyway, we'll be back doin' chemo this Thursday at the regular time. Join her and Staci doin' the IV thing together. Just doesn't quite look right.

So life goes on and as you know in my feeble world "it's just another day in paradise" > which means I get to love FancyNancy another day!!

Mucho love,

Roger

Round 9 & 10

Well...of course I'm draggin' my ass about keeping up with the current status of things. Wouldn't you think I'd be a little more on track than this....no excuses > I don't let anyone give me excuses and I expect no more from myself (did I state that correctly?) so....I have no excuse.Nancy has finished the 3 treatments in a row (3 each wk - 3 wks) and had this Thursday off. Just like a job! She/we don't know what the blood markers are at right now and won't until probably this coming Monday (6/4/07). Kiefer still set her up for another series of 3. So the struggle, battle, fight, anxiety, frustration and general pissed off attitude continues on.However, Nancy still has her seemingly (I never quite know) attitude and takes it all in and I believe that she is very thankful that she is still able to be treated. I've got some races coming up this month and I am really skeptical of how things will go. She always goes with me! I can't go by myself or rather I don't like to go without her! It's always been part of the program > she's the only one I hear yelling for me > she's always there at the finsih line > DAMN!This treatment style leaves her in a perpetual state of fatigue. She's fine the day after but the following coupla dayz are somewhat of a recovery stage. I am somewhat apprehensive about her traveling with me out of state (it's for a 2-3 day stint) and I am afraid it will be more activity than she needs. She won't be up and running around all over the place. We stay pretty stationary up until race day and then it's just for a coupla hours. There is one event at the end of this month that will be a 5+hour race/event. It will be very hot out and probably very humid (Lubbock, TX)and I think it would be a real drain on her. It's something we'll have to address the closer we get.So peepz...all in all we're/she's on a different track now and this will be a 7 month run since the first treatment at the beginning of Dec/06.Nancy's very strong belief in GOD sustains her! It's what gives her the most strength, she accepts what is given. She finds comfort in that!As for me...I just keep tryin' to be the best I can be knowing that somewhere I'm missing the mark....but I keep tryin'!

As always until next time...mucho love!

Roger